Originally Posted by Lynax
House,I hope this spices up ur day too.
HERE’S SOME HUMOUR TO SPICE UP UP YOUR DAY!!!
Love Metamorphosis
After 6 weeks
After 6 months
After 6 years
The Love Word
I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
Of course, I love you.
GOD, if I didn't love you, then why did I marry you?
Back from Work:
Honey, I'm home!
: I'm BACK!!
Have you cooked yet?
Phone Ringing
Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
Here, it's for you.
ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!
Cooking:
never knew food could taste so good!
What are we having for dinner tonight?
EBA AGAIN??
New dress
Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
You bought a new dress again?
How much did THAT cost me?
TV:
Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
I like this movie.lets watch it
I'm going to watch the Chelsea match..im not asking u,im telling u.
Spell Plantain
During school hours one day, a teacher was teaching the students spellings. This conversation ensued between him and one of his students.
Teacher: Kola, spell plantain
Kola: whish one? the lipe one or the unlipe one?
Teacher: what difference does it make? Just spell
plantain!
Kola: Teasha, If you fly the lipe one na 'DODO',
if you fly the unlipe one na 'SHIPS'
if you loast am, na 'BORLI'
All of them na plantain,
so whish one you wan make I spell?
\RESTURANT BILL
There were three men living together in London. An Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.
However upon coming close to a posh London restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they decided to come up with a plan.
The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!" - the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let the brother leave.
Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. "HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID YOU ALREADY!" - the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let the guy go.
Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. And you know how we are. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Guinness. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, But before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him."Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can't understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them so, " Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, "OGA I SORRY FOR YOU OOOO. BUT that NA YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!"
NIGERIAN CONTRACT
Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from Nigeria, another from Germany, and the third from France.
At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living.
When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it & give me a bid?" So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.
First to step up was the German contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Next was the French contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Without so much as moving, the Nigerian contractor said, "$2,700."
The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from France."
FLIGHT TROUBLE
A flight from London to Kano develops faults in
Nigerian airspace.
Very worried the captain calls the Aminu Kano airport.
"Aminu kano airport this is captain smith reporting
flight 007"
"Do you copy?"
Kano tower; - "yes Alhaji Smith we kofi"
British Airways "Flight 007 Reporting technical
faults"
Kano tower; - "kai haba!"
British Airways; - "sorry tower couldnt get that"
Kano tower; - "okay plight 00Seben kan you tune fawa
in injin?"
British Airways; - "Negative power in engines dead"
Kano tower;- "Walahi?"
British Airways; - "Negative didnt copy"
Kano Tower;- "Kan u kom down to altitude twenty
thousand pit?"
British Airways; - "negative tower, wings wont
respond"
Kano tower; - "kai!"
British Airways; - "negative didnt copy that tower"
Kano Tower; - "okay d flane will kom down in som time
due to low injin =
fawa, ofun yo taya at altidute sis thousan fit, due
1st sebenty digri"
British Airways; - "Negative, can't activate the
landing gear"
Kano tower;- 'wayyo!'
British Airways; - "awaiting order, flight 007"
Kano Towers;- "okay refit apta me"
British Airways; - "okay what?"
Kano Tower; - "ASHADU ANLA ILAHA ILLALAHU, WA ASHADU
ANNA MUHAMMADAN RASULULLAHI! (Prayer for the
dead!)
